The biggest hesitation with listening to Mace and Greene complain about who uses which Capitol restroom is that it requires me to first imagine either of them in the bathroom at all, doing whatever the fuck it is they do that makes them so desperate to never be walked in on at all, by anyone really.
It’s still fuzzy on what the perfect schadenfreude is going to look like once this new machine is up and running but right now I want my mom to get arrested by US Marshals every time her Medicare automatically renews.
Now that his dreams have been realized and he feels amazing but also his business has been reduced to a shell of itself and has been evicted from its warehouse, his reputation is a punchline, and he’s broke and unable to pay his legal fees while several defamation suits remain unresolved, and there are no…
I’m soaking up these last normal runs at quaint holiday tradition for the next four years. It’s just damn sweet to have a turkey pardoning or tree lighting or Easter egg roll with nothing but a warm message and not some treatise on victimhood or a whole string of invective about enemies. It’s the little…
I’m switching back and forth between the email I just received from my daughter’s school alerting everyone that a student has pertussis and the announcement that RFK Jr. has been nominated for HHS just because I can. I’m beyond feeling bad, shit is just legitimately fascinating now.
If I’m in a store and a robot sweeper is in the way I say “Computer, move T7 robot ‘Gilligan’ out of the way” because I would have said hello to a human and I’m just trying to play with the pieces they give me. Sometimes people will ask if it really works and I…
Right now in the custodians’ break room at Fox News there is a whiteboard on the wall where they are working out the odds to see which one of them will be named Secretary of the Interior.